Here is the one I was able to keep going with the longest and most complete.
DISCLAIMER: This is not exactly how I feel. There are bits & pieces of me in this writing, but I am NOT, repeat NOT, suicidal at all, nor do I know anyone that is. It's just a heavy topic on my mind lately after everything that has been in the news with the Connecticut shooting.
When I die, I hope to be remembered for something extraordinary. I hope that one day, someone will see a picture of me and you’ll have a reason to tell him or her something great about me. I don’t want to die a failure, but if I were to die right now, that’s exactly what would happen. I have done nothing big, nor anything important. There is nothing good in the world to be attached with my name if I were to pass away right now. The only thing that would be written on my tombstone would be my name and the truth.
That’s right. I said it. The truth. Most people can’t admit to it, but I can. Because I’ve been trying to get help, but no one is taking me seriously. They don’t believe me when I tell them and they just laugh at me. I, however, know the severity of the matter and it’s starting to scare even me. I wish people would stop acting like this is a joke, because it’s not.
I can’t seem to keep my dinner down anymore. The pressures to be perfect, to be as small as possible, is a hard way to live life. But that’s what happens when you live in today’s world. No one cares how great of a person you are, or what you’ve done for the world. All they care about is that you’re stick thin and can look great in a swimsuit. Well. I am stick thin and I can look great in a swimsuit in anyone else’s eyes. But in my own eyes, I look like an elephant. I hate the way that I look and the way that I think I look for other people.
Some would say that it’s a cry for attention. And they’d be right. I’m crying out for attention because I need help and no one is around. They all say that I’m making it up because I already have everything I could possibly want. I have the perfect family, the perfect school, the perfect friends, the perfect boyfriend. I am captain of the dance team, as well as the volleyball team. I am student body president of my university. And the truth is, I am suicidal.
But yeah. There ya go. If you ever try to pick apart at my brain, this is what happens. I get deep and sad. Not really sure why since I'm a pretty light-hearted sort of person.
Oh well!
See yaaaa
xoxo Jennifer.
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